This blog has become my therapy in a way, so if you are still reading and you enjoy it, feel free to continue, but for me, it has become my way to deal with my emotions and thoughts surrounding losing my child.
That being said, I don't think my post this evening is going to be very uplifting. I had two difficult realizations today. The first was this morning. It hit me all of a sudden that it was Sunday morning, which is when we lost Sam. So far, every Sunday morning has been hard because I see the clock and think about where we were and what we were doing 4 weeks ago. Has it already been a month? Has it only been a month?
The other hard realization happened when I saw a pregnant friend's picture through facebook. It hit me that I would start my third trimester this week. I should be going into that uncomfortably big stage. Instead, my body is already healed from delivering my child. It is crazy when I think that I should still be pregnant, anticipating meeting my first child, because I have traveled a long road since the last day I was pregnant.
Milestones and anniversaries are difficult. This was not a big one, but still brought up difficult emotions. Most of the time, I go from thing to thing in my life and I'm ok, but today I hurt. The only comfort I have is knowing the One who holds me up in my weakness and my pain is holding my Sam in His arms.
5 comments:
A month is good toward physical healing but emotional healing takes a LOT longer. Hang in there sweet sister in Christ.
I am walking this with you....and still reading and praying.
We are still here too, sweet Keenon!
Keenon
I think of you often and whisper a prayer. My heart hurts for you. Keep trusting Him!
I love you, Keenon! You are on my heart daily and I pray for you and Ryan always. But I hold a special bond (the kind of bond that is forged, even though no one wants it) with you as a Mommy who has lost a little one. There is no special formula, no magic answer, no perfect balm to soothe the hurt and make it all better all at once. Instead, there is a journey. Marked by moments, memories, lost dreams, new dreams, and breaths in and out because we know that life must go on. You have continued to show grace in a situation that many would declare ungraceful.
Keep walking, keep talking, keep writing, praying, and healing. The God who blessed you with the gift of Sam continues to know just what you need even before you know it. He hears you. He holds you. He wipes your tears, and He loves your little man more than you could ever imagine.
You continue to inspire and I pray that you will be inspired as you walk this painful road.
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