I finally saw the blog today after much prompting by Ryan. I know it sounds crazy, but I have been so busy. Between visits to the NICU, pumping breast milk, visitors, pumping breast milk, eating, and pumping breast milk, I haven't had a lot of time to sit and relax and catch up on facebook posts and emails, much less write on this blog. I will try to write more though.
Sam has been honeymooning (a.k.a. doing extremely well) for 5 days now. Because of this, we have obviously been on an emotional high, but we have to give ourselves reality checks several times a day to remember that this will be a roller coaster ride and there will be ups and downs. We are taking it one day at a time because we are not guaranteed tomorrow with Sam. However, I can truly say that I believe the massive prayer network behind Sam is working. It touches me because it is more than I ever expected. Sam is such a beautiful and sweet baby. He is more than I ever thought I deserved. This experience has been crazy and hard and will continue to be so, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
The bonding experience between a mother and her newborn is different when the child is in the NICU. It is harder and it takes longer. I feel like the past two days have been huge in bonding for us. Yesterday, I cupped my hands around his head and feet to cradle him and provide him support and comfort while he was laying down. He was gently pushing on my hand with his left foot (his feet are SO soft), and I just got lost in our own world for a while. I don't know how long I was sitting there with him, because Nurse "Aunt" Kerry left us alone. Ryan eventually came and I let him do the same, although I could have sat like that all day.
These little moments are so special to me because they are all I have. As Nurse "Aunt" Kerry told me, there is a grieving process you go through when your child is in the NICU because you can't do all the things you anticipate doing with a newborn. I want so badly to hold him against my chest, feed him, kiss his hands and head, and even just mess with him to see his reactions. What I can do for my child at this time is limited to: talking to him, occasionally touching him and changing his diaper, and providing milk for him. Because this is all I have, each time I do one of these things, I treasure the moment.
Sam is amazing and we are loving every minute we spend with him.
6 comments:
We are so thankful Sam is continuing to do so well! You and Ryan are such an amazing inspiration with how you are both so positive through these circumstances! We are continually in prayer for the three of you! Thank you for sharing your journey through this blog so we can know how to better pray for you all.
Adam & Stephanie
Keenon,so glad that Sam is doing better. Your family was all I could think about on Christmas day and it hasn't stopped since. I am constantly checking the blog and Facebook for updates. If there is anything I can do for you or Ryan just let me know. Tell Sam hello for me!
Ryan and Keenon,
I am so thankful for this blog. I check it several times a day. You may have become parents earlier than expected but you both are wonderful parents. Sam is blessed to have such wonderful, loving parents.
Randy and I are thankful that Sam had another good uneventful day.
Keenon and Ryan,
You two are amazing and God will continue to work miracles in Sam's life daily. May you both be blessed with a wonderful day tomorrow!!!
Let us know if you need help with anything!
~Eric & Aimee Stout~
Keenon, I know you will have ups and downs but right now I am so thankful for the up days you are experiencing. You, Ryan, and Sam are creating a testimony for God's glory for sure! You keep cherishing every moment you spend with that baby. The Lord has entrusted him to you both and He makes no mistakes. We will keep praying and trusting!
Enjoyed visiting for a bit with you both today.
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