Something is missing.
It may seem early, but we first talked on the way home from the hospital after losing Sam about having another child. For a while now, I have been wondering how long is the right time to wait before thinking about having another baby. Of course there's not a right answer out there, but I was hoping someone would give me a guideline. No answer came. So I prayed that God would show me when to allow another child to come into my life. He didn't wait long to answer. Through a conversation with a friend and holding another friend's baby, I have heard God's answer. Some people need to wait a year to cope with their loss, but I know that my child is in heaven and I am here on earth, still longing for a baby.
I miss Sam terribly, but I don't want him to be on earth with me, because that would mean removing him from heaven, which is WAY better. He will never have to experience pain and struggle. I even thought the other day, Sam will never have to write stupid poems for his English class (as I made my class write stupid poems). There are a lot of things that cross my mind and make me sad that Sam will never experience or that I won't experience with him, but I also think of a lot of things that I'm glad he won't have to experience. Life is hard. But eternal life with Jesus... I can only imagine.
Something is missing in our lives, and that something is a baby. We began the journey of being parents, only to have it cut short. Now it feels strange to be in this place. Life didn't just go back to being like it was before we had a baby on the way. It may look the same from the outside, but inside, we long for a child. I pray for Jesus to fill us and make the loneliness not hurt too much, but I also pray that in His time, He will give us another child to help the healing process.
And how precious will it be to know that our future children will have a big brother in heaven watching over them! :)
8 comments:
Good for you! I guess the bigger question is how long does it take your body to heal before it is safe medically to be pregnant again? Life is so precious and I agree with you that it is good Sam is not having to suffer. That would hurt your heart, too.
About the poems - - - do you grade on effort, too or just finished product? As you know, not everyone can create a great poem if their strengths are in other subjects. That is not a criticism but just curiosity.
My throat hurts from the huge lump in it I had while reading this. I think of funny things about him all the time. I'm convinced he would have been a hilarious kid that we would have laughed about all the time... those are always the envisions that pop into my head about him and I laugh about them even though they are made up :) love you
Mindy- that made me laugh just reading that! That is so precious!
Lynda - I definitely grade on following directions and effort, because I've never been good at writing poetry either!
Praying for God's timing too! Can't wait to see you all soon! And to someday get to meet Sam face to face. He can show us all the ropes about Heaven.
Your strength has amazed me... A true testimony of your faith. His timing is perfect and I am so happy you are leaving it to Him and feel ready. I think of you so often and I know you have so much love to pour into another child!
Mrs. Robbins is Courtney:) My google account is for my class blog:)
I can't wait for God to bless you with another child. I am praying for you in the process of waiting.
Praying God's blessings
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